Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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