She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
