I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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