my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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