Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
