Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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