pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
