Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
