Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
