Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize