i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
