The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
