Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
