I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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