a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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