he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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