If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
