i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
