Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
