She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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