You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
