i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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