He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so much tequila, so little girl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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