Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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