I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
