this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I still have a little drunk in my system
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
