my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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