They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
