the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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