Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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