Is it because I queefed?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
