we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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