Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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