My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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