Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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