I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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