He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize