Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
