508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
