from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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