i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize