Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
