Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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