You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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