You really coming over, don't trick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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