I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
