Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
