I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
