he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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