i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
