The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
