I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
