Jerry, you need to find god
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
