Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
