He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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