dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
