Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
