You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
