She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
