I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
