just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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