It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You took a bar mat shot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
