I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
