His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
