she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
smell my finger.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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