Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
