Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
