Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
