That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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