omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
