Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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