you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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