I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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