i would punch a child for taco bell
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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