dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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