come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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