I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
